Rachel's Story

I HAD been on my own for a little while when I met Gary through work. I was slow to introduce him to my children as I wanted to be sure about him, but was reassured by the fact he was a Special Police Officer and had children of his own in a previous relationship. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I guess now looking back I was swept off my feet. There's a saying - "if something too good to be true - it usually is". Gary seemed uncommonly attentive, he wanted to know everything about me, he was always phoning to see if I was all right, popping round unexpectedly - not just for me but to do things with the children. Others now say that this was possibly the first symptom, of what later became controlling and obsessive, but at this stage it was all too flattering. It was too late - I was hooked.

I didn't even realise that I had began to give in to his little ways. He didn't like me talking about my life before him, so I stopped, not intentionally, but simply because I didn't want to offend him. I didn't talk about places I had been with other boyfriends before him, soon even the children (who by this stage loved him too) stopped talking about their own father! I didn't say if a man spoke to me at lunch time when I was out with the office girls. Soon I didn't have a single photograph from before he came along as he would fly off into a rage if he found anything.

I guess as a family we got used to his unpredictable rages and jealousies and would learn to minimise the impact it would have on our lives, but it was always a threat in the background, although he had never done anything more than throw things around at this stage. I had given more and more control of my life to Gary without even being aware of it.

We then moved to Spain. I was saddened to leave behind my eldest two children, but things had become increasing difficult between them and Gary. They were both very opinionated and stubborn teenagers and sometimes life seemed like a war zone. They both had their own lives, jobs and somewhere to live. So I moved to Spain with Gary and my youngest son. They soon fell out, and it broke my heart when my son returned home to live with my father. About this time Gary began to drink more and more.

As expatriates we were more isolated than we were in the UK. I think Gary was resentful towards me because he missed his family. Soon he began to think I was having affairs. Now his rages became violent. He had no one to stop him. He took all his frustrations out on me.

Sadly it took more than one beating before I left him. In fact after the first beating he was taken to court and found guilty of assault. In Spain the police take action if the victim has to seek medical attention. I had pleaded for leniency for him as I truly believed that he would never do it again with the threat of prison over his head. I was so wrong. Instead he became more resentful of me, he had less respect for me because I had not left him and so he believed he could do whatever he liked to me. I ended up putting myself in a far more dangerous position. He no longer cared what he did to me. Almost all the injuries were to my head.

I was so frightened and stressed I lived on my nerves, with constant headaches, without proper sleep, drinking too much. It took a friend in the UK to offer me a place of safety in order that I could safely start divorce proceedings that gave me my break for freedom. No one knew I was going to leave, not my family, not my friend, until a few hours before I did. Gary thought I was going to see my son. He still tried to beat me before I went.

When I arrived in the UK, and I was away from Gary I phoned him and told him I wasn't going back. My friend, (who became and remains my boyfriend) took me to the doctors and I was immediately taken to hospital for a brain scan. Now, 18 months later, and having seen consultants every two weeks for the last year I am on permanent medication to counteract the crippling legacy that Gary that left me. Gary refused to sign the divorce papers, so I paid for service in Spain and the Courts have granted me my divorce.

Since I left Gary I have found my sense of worth again. I am overjoyed at being able to see my children whenever I want. I don’t regret any of my actions in the last 18 months whatsoever I just wish I’d done it sooner. One more beating and he could have killed me.